There is an alternative to complaining. And by the way, did you notice that covert or overt complaining never improved the situation?
So, what's the alternative? Here's the simple but effective two-step framework:
- Go beyond your complaint and consider what you actually want
- Ask for it - make the request.
High performers understand and leverage the 'Complaint Vs Request' distinction.
I learnt this distinction from the 'godfather of coaching’, Steve Chandler. Chandler makes a profound case for what's often misunderstood and masked as our own grievance. This perturbation is usually caused by someone else. The scenario plays out where we present as incapable victims to unfavourable circumstances. The alternative is to take back our agency.
Are you struggling to get the kids and partner together for family dinner? Make a request for the time you’ll all sit down to meal.
Are you annoyed about a colleague constantly cutting you off mid-sentence? Make a request for them to give you time to finish what you’re saying.
Are you frustrated at the ongoing delay in reporting timeliness from a team member? Make a request for them to deliver by a designated and agreed upon time.
Complaining is energy potential. But the energy is expressed inwards and compounds pathologically. It hurts the owner. Complaint converted to a clear, unemotional request enable energy circulation and drives healthier connections for everyone.
What have you been harbouring that you need to turn into a request?